A Kinder Way to Reflect
A photo of my hand being reflected in the mirror.
Editor’s note: This post will continue to evolve as I do.
Welcome back, newbies and curious minds, to the next chapter of the Soft Starts series. Last week we covered “Reflect, Then Redirect”. If you haven’t already read that post yet, you can do so here. As for today, we will continue to build toward our foundations and reflections where we will look at reflecting without criticizing. So, if you’re up for the challenge, let’s get straight to business.
Now this may be something that is all too common. Let me ask you, when you reflect on old actions (or lack there of), think about a period of your life in the past, did you ever have a moment where you questioned, “What was I thinking?” “Why did I wear that?” “I said this.. but I could’ve said that…” Perhaps, you ever took it a step further and asked yourself, “Am I crazy?” “Why am I so embarassing?” "or “I’m so dumb.”
While these phrases can be common, it doesn’t mean we should use them. Instead, it reflects how self-critical we are. Do you know how I know? I’ve been there before, myself. There’s a reason that there’s a saying about how “everything is better in hindsight”. When you give a situation, a time frame of your life, or even people, space, it usually ends up giving you a better perspective than you had at the time. This is due to various factors, such as learning more information, being better equipped, having more support, more resources, or more experience. And this list can go on and on.
In similar situations I’ve had, oftentimes, I zone in on specific details or events without recognizing the bigger picture. It’s not until time passes that I connect the dots and realize I missed something, misunderstood, or misinterpreted it. When that has happened, I used to be really harsh on myself. Having experienced it myself firsthand, it’s something I don’t want you to have to experience.
Here’s another question I have for you: if you’re critical with yourself, who does that help? It’s certainly not you (just as it definitely didn’t help me when I was in that situation either)? Let me answer it for you, no one. Once you’re able to recognize that any kind of negative self-talk only hinders you, you''ll start talking to yourself better. Even if it was all just a joke, it refuels your mind of why you’re not good enough. Except, you are good enough. You have the same opportunity as anyone else, aside from social economic factors that are out-of-your-control (economic stability, education, employment, neighborhood and environment, social and community systems, healthcare access and quality). Yet you can still achieve the same kind of success, if you put your mind to it.
The real change comes when you recognize that everything is up to you and no one else, that’s where life really changes. Because what you put into life is what you get out of it. No matter how wealthy you become, experienced at your profession, skilled at your hobbies, there will always be someone who is better. And there will always be someone who has it worse.
My advice? Don’t fall into that trap! I’m referring to the self-pity party or allowing yourself to be stuck because of your circumstances. It’s okay to feel down, upset, hurt, frustrated, disappointed, angry, etc because you aren’t where you want to be. Just as it’s okay to take time to sulk and vent about it. But it’s not okay to live there or in that state of mind forever. Not only is it demoralizing, it’s exhausting. It’s not a happy place to be.
Here, both in this space and in my life, I want you (or anyone I come across) to feel alive, to be free of whatever holds you down, and to enjoy this beautiful journey called life. I don’t want you to be stuck somewhere you were never meant to be.
If there’s one thing you can work on this year, let it be that. Work on your mind. And one day you’ll see that it wasn’t that you couldn’t, it was that you let those negative thoughts, opinions, beliefs, take hold of you and prevent you from becoming your best self.
Repeat after me: I am enough. I am intelligent. I am inspiring. I am strong. I will get through anything I put my mind too and I won’t let anything or anyone stop me in the pursuit of my dreams (say it as many times as you need too).
How to start:
Reflect on any period of your life, good or bad.
Think about past choices or decisions you made.
Reframe the situation. Rather than focus on what went wrong, reflect on what went well, even neutral. For instance, you found your independence, you put yourself first, you decided to do activities that made you happy, you chose to spend time with people who made you loved, you discovered a new passion).
Finding your independence may have cost you relationships but it allowed you to re-center yourself
Putting yourself first might’ve confused other people, but now you’re more certain of the things you want/need in life
You experienced or participated in events that you wanted to do and made some lifelong connections or unforgettable memories
The decision you made to separate yourself from people who didn’t care that they hurt you may have hurt at first but now you’ve connected with people who love you for you
By pursuing a passion of yours, you’ve opened up a whole new world of possibilities and opportunities
Take things: life, experiences, connections at your own pace. As another well known saying goes, “Good things take time.” It’s true. So, take all the time you need.
And remember, this is to help you. To enrich your life, so that you can live the best life possible.
As someone who has been in your shoes, it can be so, SO, so easy to get caught up in the busyness of everyday life, keeping up with errands, staying connected to meaningful relationships, and whatever else that may be on your plate, that eventually it can lead to the point of exhaustion. Except it shouldn’t have to be this way. And it doesn’t. It’s something I wish someone would’ve told me.
Moral of the post, do whatever you have to do to relax. To rest. To recharge. But do it for you. So you aren’t only existing and pushing through each day. Do it, so you can live life in the best, most care-free and joyous way possible.
Now I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this saying, “I’m tired of all these life lessons, my character is developed.” If you aren’t, I’ll try to attach the link here. But it often comes to my mind when there is another challenge or frustration in my life. I try to have a little sense of humor. I always have. It helps add a good little chuckle to my day.
If you have a better meme or example to share, I’m all ears. I’d love to be in on the joke, so don’t hesitate to connect and send me a message. My socials are linked at the top.
With that, I’ll see you back here Monday, January 19th, 2026, for the next post “What Consistency Really Means to Me Now” as we continue building a foundation and reflecting through the Soft Starts series. Until then, farewell, friends. Wishing you love and light as we both continue to be the best versions of ourselves.
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
