Entangled in Identity
Editor’s note: This post like everything else I write, it continues to evolve with time, growth, and reflection.
Welcome, bold and gentle souls! Have you ever thought about how many versions of you might exist in the minds of others? It’s almost like we leave behind little reflections everywhere we go. To one person you may be confident, to another person, you are someone who is kind, and to someone else, a passing memory. Each connection, no matter how brief carries its own version of you. And maybe that’s the quiet beauty of it. We are constantly shaping the world, often in ways we’ll never fully see.
Not long ago, I came across a simple question that stopped me in my tracks. It was from a creator who asked: “Isn’t it strange how many versions of you exist in people’s minds? I couldn’t shake it. Sometimes the smallest sparks whether from a conversation, a passing thought, or even a short video, can shift the way we see ourselves.
That question opened a door I hadn’t realized was waiting for me. It reminded me that reality isn’t as fixed as we often imagine. It bends and shifts, shaped by the eyes that witness it. Every person we meet carries their own lens, colored by their history, their hopes, and even their hurts. Through them, we become someone slightly different each time.
I’ve noticed in my own circle. One friend I’ve known for years mostly knows me through our shared interests of hobbies, laughs, and routines we’ve built together. While another friend sees me differently, because our conversations lean into our differences, where we challenge each other’s perspectives.
And then there’s family. The ones who have watched me grow through every stage. They’ve seen the highs I wanted to share and the lows I’ve wanted to keep hidden. They remember versions of me I’d rather forget, or moments I thought I’d already outgrown. At times it feels unsettling, almost exposing.
But even with all of that, no one knows me better than I know myself. Others may hold pieces of my story, but they don’t hold all of me. They don’t see who I am in my quietest of moments, or the dreams I envision for myself. And while these reflections may hold truth, they will never be the full truth. Which is why it feels so disorienting when their pieces don’t match. When one version affirms me and another seems to contradict who I am.
Sometimes these reflections line up neatly, like when a friend and a family member describe me in the same way, and for a moment, I recognize myself in both. But other times, the pieces don’t fit. One person swears I’m outgoing, another insists I’m reserved. To one I’m an adventurous soul, to another I’m a homebody. And in those moments, I can’t help but wonder, who’s right?
Conflicting views between others are on thing as I can brush them off, laugh, or let them slide. But when their versions start clashing with my own sense of self, that’s when the wrestle grows heavier.
And then, there are the reflections that don’t just contradict each other, but press up against how I see myself, leaving me wondering which version holds more truth. So, I find myself circling the same question over and over of who’s right and does it even matter?
Maybe that’s the hardest part, not when people disagree with each other, but when their voices make me question my own. And that’s where the real wrestle begins.
When I catch myself caught in that tension, I try not to rush toward deciding who’s right. Instead, I pause and notice what their version reveals. Sometimes it highlights a part of me I want to nurture, and other times it shows me something I’ve already outgrown. I remind myself that their perspectives can offer insight, but they aren’t instructions.
And I think that’s something we all wrestle with at one point or another. The gap between how others see us and how we see ourselves. If you find yourself there too, let their perspectives be information, not definitions. Notice what resonates, release what doesn’t, and remember that you are the only one who carries the full picture of who you are. And that’s where your trust belongs.
This brings me to identity itself. I don’t believe we’re meant to stay fixed or defined by one single version of who we are. Identity feels more like a current, always moving, always shaped by interactions, conversations, and experiences that flow through us. We are constantly becoming, shifting, and evolving. The fact that so many different versions of us exist in the minds of others is really just a reflection of that fluidity, and of how deeply connected we all are in shaping one another.
Perhaps this is why we so often struggle to recognize the depth and beauty within ourselves until it’s revealed through the way others experience us. We tend to downplay our own significance, brushing off the impact we have, until someone points it out and we suddenly see ourselves differently. It’s in their laughter, when we show up, the comfort they find in our presence, the way a small act we barely remember lives on as something unforgettable for them. We don’t always realize it, but we carry a weight in people’s lives, and that weight leaves an imprint no one else could.
That interconnectedness is at the heart of what it means to be human. We are not isolated entities, but a web of experiences, relationships, and perceptions. Each of us contributes to the tapestry of someone else’s life, and they contribute to ours. And on this constant exchange, we are continuously reshaped and redefined.
So, as we move through life, perhaps the many versions of ourselves that others hold aren’t instructions on who we should be, but glimpses into how our presence lingers in different ways. They remind us that identity is not fixed, but ever-shifting. Our versions are infinite, just as our potential is.
P.S: Credit to @lost_thoughts on TikTok for posing this question that sparked today’s reflection.
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
