Firsts
A dandelion knit colored blanket behind a letter board with a quote from John Barrow that reads, “If you never know, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.”
To the quiet listeners and brave warriors reading this, today’s reflection is about something we all face at different points in our live. I am referring to stepping out into the unknown. This post is especially meaningful because it captures a moment in time when I was learning to face my fears, take chances, and embrace who I was, flaws and all.
Editor’s note: While this post was written on February 8th, 2014, it was never officially published. I am sharing it now [on May 31st, 2025] as it was originally intended. Looking onward, this post will continue to evolve as I do. It’s updated to reflect growth, gratitude, and perspective gained since then.
It all started when I made a conscious effort to step out of my comfort zone and try something I hadn’t done before. A group interview. Now I’m not quite sure how many jobs out there have you do a group interview but I’m confident that this isn’t the only one.
The group interview pushed me in ways I didn’t expect. They sought confidence, a voice that filled the room. And at the time, I was anything but that. I was insecure and unsure of where I belonged in the world. I knew this was a passion of mine, but I was unfamiliar with the process and had little to no real world experience.
It didn’t help seeing all the faces on the screen, hearing others speak with such ease. It only amplified my nerves. By the time it was my turn to speak, I was hesitant and nervous. I wasn’t anywhere near as confident as I was when I first joined the call.
A good example of this would be when you’re sitting in class and the teacher has everyone take their turn reading a paragraph out loud. The longer the anticipation, the more nerves show up.
Unfortunately, after it was all said it done, I wasn’t one of the individuals selected for the next round of interviews. It stung. I was lost. And mainly, I was disappointed in myself. I knew how much time and effort I poured into prepping for that interview. I understood, better than anyone, how much I wanted it. Yet when the moment came, I struggled to formulate and articulate my answers.
After sitting with it for a bit of time, I realized I was courageous that day. I did put myself out there. Even when I was unsure of how it would go. Even when everyone spoke with ease, I still did my best. And while my best wasn’t good enough that day, it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be one day.
The reason I chose to share this experience with you was to remind you that we all have moments where we mess up, where we feel insecure, or we reflect and recognize what we could’ve done better. While the group interview may have been a first for me, it wasn’t the first time I didn’t get a job I really worked for. And I knew it wouldn’t be the last because I won’t let it.
I’ll keep trying. I'll keep putting myself out there. I’ll keep pursing what matters to me.
After all, life is about learning. It’s about trying to get better each and every day.
The next new experience I want to share with you that required getting better each and every day is public speaking. Public speaking hasn’t ever been a passion of mine. I don’t think about how fun of a hobby it would be. However, in order to complete the college curriculum, there is a public speaking class requirement. While I guess I could’ve dropped out of college to avoid that class, that felt like a complete waste of time.
So, I made the best of it. I decided I wouldn’t let this class stand in the way of what I truly wanted to pursue in life. This meant I practiced often. I worked endlessly to get over this hesitancy of public speaking. I wanted to get better, to improve, and to be more confident in my abilities.
And improve, I did. I ended up passing the class with flying colors. I was determined and motivated in pursuing my dreams, and I didn’t let a little fear stand in my way.
If you’re in a period of hesitancy or afraid to put yourself out there, let this be your reminder that you can do anything you put your mind too. Sure, you may make mistakes, you may even fail, but don’t ever let failure, anyone, or anything ever stop you from going after your dreams. Life is too short.
The third and final “first” I want to share today is using the testing center. It’s a room inside of the school that is often quieter and allows for more time with exams. I, in particular, was fortunate to have the option to take my exam in the testing center rather than just the classroom due to hindrances. At first, I was hesitant because it was a new experience and I didn’t know what to expect. But that wasn’t the only concern I had. I also felt a bit of shame and embarrassment for needing to utilize the testing center in the first place. I felt like something had to be wrong with me that I couldn’t keep up with others at the same pace.
What I didn’t recognize at the time was that it was my own self limiting belief that kept me stuck, and not one of the many other individuals who may have made fun of me or made other little comments throughout my life. Nope, it was just me.
While I was and have been appreciative of being given the opportunity to use that tool, I could’ve viewed the situation differently. Instead of feeling shame or embarrassment, I could’ve been proud and relieved.
It really goes to show how much our mindset plays a key role in our life.
That being said, I recognize we all have different experiences at different times throughout our life, and so, while you may have learned this when you were younger, we can continue to help those around us grow.
What I mean by that is at the time, I confided in someone of my insecurities, and while I assume that they tried to assure me the best way they probably knew how, it didn’t help me feel any better. It didn’t make me aware that I was looking at it all wrong. I still felt unsure and embarrassed. I continued on with the same feelings as though that conversation didn’t much happen. There was nothing substantial from it.
Now I want to be clear, I’m not sharing this to place blame in anyway. I’m sharing this so that we can recognize, that our words and unfortunately, even some of our actions, may not make as much of a difference as we may hope. The importance is we tried to make a positive difference. And it’s something I hope that you continue to do so anyway, in pursuit of being the difference maker in someone’s life one day.
Thank you for checking out this post, and learning about some new firsts in my life. Before we part, I hope these serve as reminders that you’re capable of more than you think. You can be a difference maker. You can pass that class or that test that you believe is impossible. And you can get the jobs of our dreams. You just need to have the courage and motivation to pursue it.
So keep growing, keep learning, and keep evolving.
As a signature of my blog, I’d like end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
