The Cost of Overgiving
Looking into the distance under a tree, reflecting onto impact of over giving and the need for healthier boundaries.
Editor’s note: Written from my current vantage point.
Welcome back, curious minds and kind hearts, to the latest series, Lines That Liberate, which explores the idea that the right boundaries don’t limit you, they free you to show up more honestly, fully, and sustainably than ever before. Now before we get into today’s discussion, check out the first post in this series:
Clarity Creates Safety - Clear boundaries don’t create distance, they create safety. This post explores how clarity builds trust and strengthens relationships.
But what happens when that clarity is missing?
Sometimes, instead of stepping back, we lean in even more. By giving more of ourselves in an attempt to hold the connection together.
And that’s where this next part begins.
Because overdoing isn’t always rooted in generosity… sometimes, it comes from the fear of losing the connection.
I’ve experienced this in my own way.
There were moments where I could feel a shift, like a relationship was coming to an end, even if nothing had been said.
And instead of stepping back, I leaned in. I started overextending myself. Willing to drop my own plans just to make things work. Reaching out, looking for reassurance that everything was okay… that nothing was wrong.
But no matter how much I gave, it never seemed to bring back the clarity I was looking for.
Upon looking back, I started to realize something. It wasn’t just that I was giving, it was why I felt the need to give so much in the first place. Because in those moments, it didn’t feel like over-giving, it felt like trying to hold on. Now, I can see it more clearly now. Over-giving isn’t always generosity. Sometimes, it’s driven by the fear of losing the connection.
And over time, I began to notice the cost of that. The more I ignored my own limits, the more resentment started to build.
It wasn’t that it showed up all at once. At least, not at the beginning. It built up slow, in the times I said yes just to get out of the house, even when o really needed rest or time for myself. In the moments I rearranged my plans, giving up what little time I had just to make space for someone that mattered to me.
Oftentimes, I found myself waiting. Putting plans or errands on hold, hoping plans would follow through, knowing I didn’t have much time to spare.
And still, I showed up. Hoping, at the very least it would be acknowledged. That maybe they’d notice the effort, or ask, or simply recognize what it took for me to be there. But that moment rarely came.
Over time, I felt it. Not because I was doing too much, but because I was running on fumes. I had been pulled in too many directions, trying to be everything for everyone, while feeling like no one else really saw it.
It left me drained. Anxious. Tense.
Like I wasn’t allowed to put myself first, even when I needed to. Because when you ignore your limits for too long, what starts as giving, can quietly turn into resentment.
And without even realizing it, I had set a pattern.
For a long time, I kept pushing, giving more, doing more, showing up more without expectation of something in return.
Until I started to feel it. The exhaustion. The drain.
Moments where I had already rearranged my day, only for plans to fall through, again. Times where I showed up, even when I didn’t feel my best, but found myself waiting longer than I had the energy for.
And slowly, it shifted.
What once felt like giving started to feel like I was carrying more than my share. Like I was pulling twice the weight in something that was meant to be mutual.
At first, I told myself it was fine. That this is just how relationships ebb and flow. Until one day, it didn’t.
I had reached a point where I couldn’t keep giving the same way anymore. What I gave consistently became what was expected, whether I had the capacity for it or not.
And in that process, I started to lose something else. Me.
That was the hardest part of it all.
Losing pieces of myself while trying to be everything for everyone else. Caring too much. Understanding a little too deeply, even when it hurt.
Until eventually, I didn’t recognize myself the same way anymore. And I knew something had to change. So, I began letting go of the relationships that no longer valued me. Not because it was easy, but because I couldn’t keep going the way I was.
Because without boundaries, giving doesn’t just drain you, it can slowly turn into self-abandonment.
And sometimes, growth looks like choosing differently.
I needed a fresh start. A new beginning. This time with clearer boundaries in place.
Learning to value relationships that felt mutual. Where presence, effort, and care were shared, and not something I had to constantly prove or sustain on my own.
So take a moment to reflect:
Where in your life are you giving more than you have to give? And what would it look like to honor your limits, without guilt?
Lines That Liberate, where boundaries stop feeling like limits and start creating freedom.
Join me next Monday, April 20th, for the next post in this series, “Hold the Line.”
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
