The Reality of Control
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go” - Hermann Hesse
Editor’s note: Originally written on June 27th, 2018. This post continues to evolve as I do. It’s updated to reflect growth, gratitude, and perspective gained since then.
Welcome, beautiful hearts and compassionate souls. Today, we’re going to discuss a deeper topic. One that’s not often an easy to discussion to have. It doesn’t matter whether it’s with yourself when you’re debating to give up an old habit, whether you’re figuring out where you stand in a relationship, or you’re deciding whether to parting with an item. Letting go of anything that once brought comfort, a sense of belonging, or joy, isn’t easy. If it was, we wouldn’t need to discuss it. But it’s one of those feelings we’ve all had to contemplate or work through at some point or another. And I can promise you, I’m no stranger. So, if you’re ready to join me on this journey, I’d appreciate the company.
Has your life space felt cluttered? Do you find it hard to find things? Have you held onto something that you outgrew? Is there a special item someone gave you that you have trouble letting go of? If so, I’m right there with you.
Have you had a relationship that made you question where you stood? Made you question who you are? Or made you realize that you don’t know someone as well as you thought? Me too, babes. Me, too.
Are there habits you’ve been trying to get better at? Ones you’ve been trying to release? Or trying to get something under control you weren’t even aware of? Welcome to my life :)
In all sincerity, if you’ve said yes to any of the above questions, you’ve come to the right post. Today, I’ll be sharing my own experiences (without names & dates, of course), I’ll share what I’ve learned, as well as signs and symptoms of what to look out for in your own life. Ready to take a deep dive? Let’s have a swim.
There was a period of my life where I was a competitive swimmer. I enjoyed competing just as much as anyone else who thrived in that environment. But what I really loved was being able to glide through the water. To swim like a frog. To be challenged. To work towards a goal all while doing something I loved.
Can you believe that 10 years later, I still have shirts, swimsuits, towels, and medals from that period of my life? 10 years …
I haven’t swam competitively since 2008. And still, I struggle to let go.
I’m fortunate that I can still fit into the clothes from that time as I can no longer fit into the swimsuits. The towels? A few have managed to hang on, pun intented. As for the medals, I don’t know where they’re at but I haven’t gotten rid of them and if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with parting ways. Not only because they are a reminder of all the great times I had but they also remind me of all the hard work, the time, and the heart I put into training for them. The long nights, the early wake up calls to improve, to be better. Learning to kick through the pain of a leg cramp, to float on my back when I got too tired, or how refreshing it was to take off a swim cap and dunk my head in the water.
Only time will tell, if I’ll be able to part ways with mementos. For now, they’re still keepsakes. They’re still a part of me. Instead, I’ll give away or donate others items that don’t hold the same level of meaning. Check back in a few years.
Next up are relationships. I think we can all agree that there is nothing more fluid or complex than our relationships with other people. Why? Because we are all constantly growing, constantly learning, constantly becoming. This means that any of the relationships we’ve retained or new ones we’ve made along the way are also evolving.
We are always one decision away from changing our life in an instant, for better or for worse. Sometimes, it’ll be our decision. Sometimes, the other person will choose to walk away. And oftentimes, those decisions are made long before they’re even talked about. Not because we aren’t important but because we are. Conversations are hard enough, now imagine uncomfortable ones? Ones that ask us to be honest with what we really need not just with what we want or hope for.
No one wants to walk away. To forget someone who once meant the world. But we shift. We change.
And I’m hear to tell you, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. It may hurt. You may grieve the loss of a relationship.
But one day, I believe you’ll find your circle, your tribe. A group of people who will make you feel so loved that they won’t leave you questioning your worth. They’ll tell you if there’s an issue. They’ll give you chances. They’ll celebrate your wins with you and be your biggest fan but they’ll also be by your side through your losses. They’ll care about the little things and how they affect you. Just as you’ll care about them.
After all, relationships are a balance. They take a lot of work, sacrifice, and most of all, they take love.
Letting go doesn’t mean there’s no love, it means we’re letting go of the need to be in control. We’re releasing the expectations we had, the dreams we’ve made together, and the experiences we’ve shared. Letting go isn’t the end of the world. It’s just the end of the world as you once knew it.
Don’t be afraid to take the leap, there’s more than 8.2 billion people in this world. You’re bound to meet another beautiful soul in this world.
And last but not least, habits. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think habits might be the hardest to let go of, to change, to adjust, or even improve? Some are done sub-consciously. Some habits were formed as a way to cope. Some we’ve been doing our whole life and never second-guessed.
This can make it feel like we are chipping away at, disrupting, or taking away a whole piece of our identity, when we choose to let go of something so intertwined in our day-to-day life.
Similar to relationships, it’s completely normal to want to evolve, to improve, and to get better at something we aren’t content with. And while this may be the hardest to change, it’s also the most common thing to let go of. The reason New Years Resolutions exist. So, no one blinks an eye if you say that you want to start drinking more water, start working out more, waking up earlier. It’s acceptable to change your habits. To let go of what’s not working in order to be a better version of yourself.
If you’re wondering if it’s time to leave swimming behind and move on, here are some signs and symptoms of what to keep an eye out for:
It no longer serves a purpose, just takes up space
You’re keeping it “just in case”
It’s tied to guilt, not joy
You forgot you even had it
It belongs to a past version of you
It often leaves you feeling more drained than energized
Whether you feel like you’re staying out of guilt, fear, or obligation
You find yourself questioning where you stand and whether it’s worth it
You often wonder or fantasize about how life would be without it
You’ve outgrown the situation, the item, the habit, or the person
It conflicts with your current goals or values
You feel shame or regret
You’re using to numb or avoid something
You’ve tried to quit “multiple times”
You keep trying to “fix” something but nothing changes
You keep justifying or explaining it to others
Have you done any of these? Are there signs that you think need to be added to this list? If so, my socials are listed above. I’m open to more ideas.
And before we head to the showers, here’s what I’ve learned from letting go. The art, or in this case, sport of letting go taught me that control is often tied to attachment whether that be a person, place, thing, or habit. But the truth is, none of it holds meaning without us. We’re the ones who give it shape. If we didn’t ever think something was of value, we would’ve never latched onto it in the first place. Oftentimes, what we’re really holding onto isn’t love or need, it’d the illusion that we ever had control in the first place.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. What are you learning to release?
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
