Then vs. Now
Quote from Brené Brown, “Curiosity is the gateway to empathy.” This is shown on a letter board in front of a dandelion-knit blanket.
Editor’s note: This post will continue to evolve as I do.
Welcome back, friends, followers, and connections. Before we get into more journal entries from an old sociology course I took back in college, I want to pause and acknowledge the tragedy unfolding in Kerrsville, Texas.
So far, 90 people have lost their lives after a flash flood swept through the area in the middle of night. Roughly 30 of them were from Camp Mystic—one of several summer camps in the area. The victims include one of the camp’s owners, two camp counselors, and the rest were young children, just 7 and 8 years old.
This story broke on Independence Day as it happened that morning around 4am. Since then, it has gripped the nation. Here is a recent article from WFAA (Dallas Local News) “LIST: Here’s how to help people affected by flooding in central Texas” with several ways of how you can help or donate to those affected by the flooding.
For those new here or just coming across my page, here is a quick refresher. Back in college I took a Sociology course on Racial and Ethnic Relations. One of our semester-long assignments was to keep a journal of any real-life moments where race came up whether in conversation, media, or daily interactions. The goal was to help us become more aware of how often race shapes our day-to-day experiences.
Before the class, I was fairly unaware of how present these dynamics were. But afterward, I began seeing the world through a different lens. I started paying closer attention, specifically, to when people mentioned race, whether casually, subtly, or with emphasis. These were not always hostile or harmful moments, but they showed just how deeply race is woven into everyday talk. The journal became a kind of logbook: part observation, part reflection.
This post is part of my Past, Present, & Future series where I share the thoughts I had back then (or lack thereof), reflect on how I see things now, and explore the hopes I carry moving forward. Let’s start with where we left off last week.
Just a quick reminder: these journal entries do not include specific dates or times. While I did write down names, I will not be sharing them here. Out of respect for others privacy, just as I value my own.
Here is the next entry from my journal where I reflected on a Cosmo article featuring Caitlin Moran, a British writer, who discussed how most workplaces at the time, were still shaped by straight white male norms. She pointed out the pressure marginalized groups feel to adapt, but also emphasized that this dominant culture is fading. Moran argued that real change in government, education, the arts, and business depends on the perspectives of women, people of color, and the LGBTQ+ individuals. In her words: “Eventually, your difference will make you valuable.”
Looking back, I realize this article is not directly about race. But I included it in my entries at the time because I was struggling to find enough material that spoke to the topic. At the time, I did not have any personal experience with racial discrimination to draw from, so I relied on anything that loosely touched on identity, difference, or systematic structures.
Today, I recognize that Caitlin was right in her prediction. It is our differences that really do make us valuable today. These days, there is more encouragement to be your own person and to celebrate what sets us apart.
At the same time, businesses and institutions have started adapting and broadening their views. Thus, making space to be more inclusive of everyone. Of course, it is not an easy task considering we are all multi-dimensional, multi-faceted beings with complex experiences. But it is encouraging to see mindsets evolving with efforts being made.
More and more people today seem open to learning about different lifestyles, opinions, beliefs, and experiences, even if they are not fully understood. Only time will tell whether trying to consider all perspectives will lead to deeper understanding or greater complexity. Still, that openness feels like real progress.
My hope moving forward is that we continue creating spaces where everyone has an equal chance to prosper. Whether that means supporting equity or finding another way, it is a goal worth striving for, even if it feels more hopeful than realistic right now.
Shifting gears a little bit, my next journal entry touches on something more personal. A moment involving an old friend’s sibling. It is a small but telling example of how culture and identity show up in everyday interactions, sometimes in ways you do not immediately think about. At one point, my friend’s sibling used the name “Yolanda” instead of the name I knew my friend by. When asked why, he simply replied, “because I am Mexican.”
In that moment, I did not know what to make of his response. I just accepted it as it was and did not think anything more of it. It was what I believed to be an offhanded comment. Or, was it?
Now I see it as a glimpse into how cultural identity can shape even the smallest of expressions. Such as, swapping one name for another as a kind of shorthand. It was not to express a feeling, but to reflect something cultural, personal, or maybe even humorous within his context. Whether it was an inside joke, a reference I did not understand, or just how he expressed himself, it showed how identity shows up in ways that are not always immediately clear to outsiders.
In the future, I hope to stay open and observant when these kinds of moments happen. They may seem small, but they can hold insight into how people express identity, humor, or belonging. While I do not always need the answer to understand a situation, I want to continue to get better at noticing and asking questions. Not out of judgement, but out of genuine interest and respect for where someone else is coming from.
That brings me to another entry that touches on identity from a different angle, heritage. Over the years, I have been asked a lot about where I am from or “what I am,” and more often than not, the guesses are off. Aside from Hungarian, I have also been mistaken for Russian and Croatian, as well as a few other backgrounds. One moment that stood out at the time was when a retired superintendent asked if I was Hungarian.
Looking back, I remember feeling a bit unsure and surprised whenever people guessed my heritage incorrectly. It was not that it made me uncomfortable, but it made me more aware of how often others tried to define my identity based on appearance or assumptions. At the time, I did not always know how to respond beyond just correcting them and moving on. I did not like being the center of attention.
Nowadays, I am more comfortable and confident with my identity. I have realized that embracing who I am, even if it means standing out sometimes, is a strength rather than a weakness. While I was once a wallflower trying to blend in, I now see value in owning my story and being open about where I come from while also being mindful of maintaining a sense of safety and privacy that feels right for me.
Going forward, I hope we all move toward a world where people can express their identities openly without fear or hesitation. A place where safety, both physical and emotional, is a given and privacy is respected. I want to see a kinder, softer world that encourages authenticity while honoring the need for personal boundaries.
Building on thoughts about identity and perception, my next journal entry comes from a conversation with an old friend who worked at a summer camp in a more prestigious, well-known town. She shared how the person in charge of the camp hinted that kids from our hometown were “bad and troubled,” when they came to visit. So much so, that the leader of the camp warned counselors to be prepared and patient.
That conversation my friend and I had then led us into a deeper conversation about growing up in a diverse area and how it shaped our perspective, as well as, how it carried a negative connotation since our hometown is historically known for its Mexican roots.
Hearing all this information from my friend at the time was both surprising and disheartening. I had always seen our community in a more positive light. Yes, it is diverse, and it has strong historical ties to Mexico, but I only ever saw that as something to be proud of, not something others might view negatively.
So, it was a big shock, not just to my sense of self-worth, but also to my connection to my hometown. Suddenly, I felt “less than.” Even a little embarrassed for having been so proud of where I came from. And I did not know what to make of it. It left me unsettled, and my perspective of the world felt as though it flipped upside down. What I once thought as simple pride was now layered with complexity I had not considered before.
And with this take on the world, I started seeing the world differently. One that was more distant, more judgmental than I knew it to be just a short time before. What once felt like an empowering and supportive region suddenly looked harsher, more cruel, and at times, senseless. It was a stark contrast to the world I thought I knew.
Looking back, I can see that maybe it was not exactly what that leader had said. More so, it was how my friend interpreted it. She felt like there was this unspoken message about kids from our hometown being “bad,” but that might have been her own perception or bias coming through. And that is the hard part. Communication is messy. Relationships are messy. There are layers, inside meanings, past experiences, and it is easy to fill in gaps with our own understanding.
Even if it was not my friend’s intention, it stuck with me. It made me feel like I was not good enough or did not measure up to other kids from neighboring towns. And that feeling hits deep, especially when you are starting to become more aware of how the world works and where you fit into it. Feeling like you are being judged before anyone even knows you, or worse, that they think they know you better than you know yourself can your self-worth and confidence. It leaves you questioning where you stand, if you belong, and whether you will be fully seen for who you truly are.
My hope going forward is that we learn to check our assumptions whether it is about people, situations, or backgrounds. I would like to see a world where someone’s zip code or school district is not a reflection of their potential. Where we approach others with curiosity instead of judgement, and give everyone the space to show who they really are before deciding who we think they are.
Overall, that experience made me much more aware of how subtle biases can be. And once I started noticing it, I could not unsee it. It reminded me of moments from an earlier time, like back in high school. One situation in particular made me question whether things like white supremacy still existed, even in everyday settings. It was not something extreme or loud, it was quiet, but it left a mark.
There was a time my friend and I were walking to class with our phones out. A dean stopped us but only told her, who is Puerto Rican with a light brown skin tone, to put her phone away. I was never addressed. Another time, we were both wearing short shorts and t-shirts, yet only she was asked to change.
At that point in my life, I did not think much of it. And while those situations left me confused and hurt for my friend, I assumed there had to be another reason. For me, it just was not my perception. It was not even something on my radar for me to consider. But while taking this sociology course, I started to recognize how race can quietly shape how people are treated, even in familiar institutions, even in places that feel neutral or fair on the surface.
Looking back now, with more reflection, I wonder if when the dean told my friend to put her phone away, maybe it was meant for both of us. As for the day she was asked to change, she often wore clothes that were more revealing and presented a more mature vibe. That day, in particular, our outfits were quite similar but not exact. Whereas my t-shirt was a collared t-shirt, hers was a v-neck and I wonder if that might have been what caught the dean’s attention.
Still, these memories made me realize how easy it is to jump to conclusions or hold onto feelings without seeing the full picture. It is a reminder that situations are often more complex than they seem at first and how understanding the context matters. But I also realize how, especially when it comes to race or any other personal identifiable trait, the line between perception and reality can be blurry. Thus, it can deeply affect how people feel seen and treated.
Therefore, my hope for the future is that we recognize situations can be misunderstood, blown out of proportion, or misjudged. Instead of reacting with defensiveness or dismissing what someone is saying altogether, I hope we ask more questions to understand and pinpoint where the confusion started and how things escalated. That way, when situations like these come up, they can become teachable moments. They can be chances to help people see the bigger picture and understand different perspectives, instead of denying someone’s lived experience and expecting them to change without any real guidance.
With that being said, all these lessons about understandings and perspectives in mind, I want to share one last journal entry for today. It is about the Trayvon Martin case resurfacing in the news, later on that year. In particular, I learned how Black parents teach their kids not to wear their hoods up. As someone who never had to think twice about this, it opened my eyes to the different realities people live.
Back then, I remember feeling surprised and wondering if this was true as it was not something that had ever crossed my mind before. Yet, parents were teaching their kids to avoid hoodies for their safety. It was a huge wake-up call to realize that this was a reality for so many.
Now, I understand how something seemingly so small like wearing a hood, can carry deeper meaning depending on your background. It is not just about clothing. It is about survival, perception, and safety. What once felt surprising to me now feels like an unfortunate but very real truth for many. It has made me more aware of the privileges I have had, and how different the world can look depending on who you are.
In the future, I hope one day that no parent has to teach their children to adjust how they dress just to stay safe or to be seen as less of a threat. I hope we get to a place where we can all live in peace and harmony, without the threat of being judged by appearance or stereotypes.
Looking back on these entries and reflecting through the lens of the past, present, and future reminds me why this series matters. These journal moments, though simple at times, helped shape my understanding of the world and how race shows up in everyday life. What felt like small interactions or passing thoughts back then now carry deeper meaning.
As I continue sharing, my goal is not just to revisit old memories but to learn from them, challenge them, and to imagine something better. Because awareness is just the beginning. Growth happens when we are willing to reflect, question, and keep moving forward together.
If this post sparked something in you whether it challenged a belief, mirrored an experience, or simply made you think, I would love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment, share with a friend, or reflect on your own moments of growth.
I will be back next Monday, July 14th, with another installment. Hope to see you then. For now, let’s keep the conversation going.
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
