Editor’s note: This piece reflects where I am right now and what I’ve learned from my own experiences. I share these thoughts as an invitation to reflect on your own life, not as a guide for what you should do with it, Your circumstances, relationships, experiences are your own, and only you can decide what feels right for you.
Welcome back, curious minds and kind hearts, to As We Go. My November series about living, learning, and finding what matters along the way. In our first chapter, More or Less, I reflected on how my understanding of success has expanded beyond the milestones I’d always hoped to reach. This week, I’m turning my attention to something just as personal through the values we hold, how we express them, and what our experiences can teach us about both.
I, for one, have always valued kindness, consideration, and being there for the people I care about.
For a long time, that often meant making myself available whenever someone needed me. I’d rearrange my schedule, push through exhaustion, or put my own plans aside to spend time with someone who mattered to me.
I didn’t necessarily see those things as sacrifices at the time as they were ways of showing how much I valued the connection. And while I never expected anyone to do exactly the same things for me, I hoped they’d recognize the effort.
Over time, though, I started noticing how easily being considerate of others could turn into overlooking my own needs.
Sometimes I was exhausted but agreed to plans anyway. Other times, I found myself repeatedly making accommodations without feeling the same consideration in return.
And while I still wanted to be kind and helpful, I began questioning why those qualities seemed to require so much of me. Because of that, I’ve learned how much I value honest communication.
After all, there was a time when I didn’t always know how to approach something that bothered me. I might have been frustrated or disappointed, but finding the right words wasn't easy.
So, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more comfortable having those conversations, even when they’re uncomfortable. And some of the most meaningful relationships in my life have been strengthened by them.
And you know what? There’s something reassuring about being able to talk through a disagreement, ask questions, and genuinely try to understand each other. It makes me feel more connected to someone, not less.
Those experiences and those conversations made me realize that I want relationships where we can talk for hours about something ordinary, but also feel being vulnerable discussing difficult or personal things. It doesn’t mean that every disagreement needs to become a serious conversation, or that everyone will always see things the same way. But I do think there’s a difference between maintaining a connection and feeling genuinely supported within it.
For me, support isn’t only about someone listening when things are difficult. Sometimes it’s about knowing they’ll stand up for me, too, or acknowledge when something I’ve experienced wasn’t okay. But I’ve found that it’s easier to offer that kind of support than to receive it.
So when there’s a repeated lack of consideration, an imbalance in effort, or conversations that never seem to lead to change, I have to think about what continuing to give looks like for me.
Maybe my values haven’t changed as much as the ways I’m learning to live by them. Because I still believe in showing up for people, being generous with my time, and making room for perspectives different from my own. But I’m learning that I can do those things without always putting my own feelings, needs, or plans aside. I can be patient, flexible, and understanding.
To a point.
Because kindness doesn’t have to mean choosing between being considerate of others and being considerate of myself.
And as I think about the relationships I want to nurture, I’m paying more attention not just to how much I care about someone, but to how we care for each other.
So, when you reflect on your own life, how do you express what matters to you in your relationships? And when something feels out of balance, how do you decide what’s yours to work on, and what requires effort from both people?
As we continue learning what matters to us, I hope we also make room for the connections and experiences that bring meaning to our lives. I’ll be back on Monday with another chapter of As We Go. Until then, I hope you have a beautiful weekend filled with adventure, joy, and curiosity. Sending you love and light on your journey!
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
