Without the Right Words
Editor’s note: Written from my current vantage point.
Welcome, kind souls and compassionate beings, to this month’s series, The Practice of Being Seen. This series isn’t about having everything figured out, it’s about showing up anyway. It’s where I share the uncomfortable, honest parts of growth: speaking without overthinking, being misunderstood, and choosing presence over performance. If you’re trying to do the same, I hope something here stays with you.
For this first post, I want to start here:
Showing up doesn’t require perfect words.
It doesn’t requite polished thoughts or sounding impressive.
It never did.
But it can feel like it does.
If you’ve ever replayed a conversation in your head from what you’ve said, what you should’ve said, how it might’ve sounded, you know that feeling. That pressure to say things the “right” way. To be clear, articulate, understood.
But most of the time, it’s not just about the words.
There’s a difference between expressing yourself and editing yourself. Expressing yourself keeps you in the moment. Editing yourself pulls you out of it.
One keeps you present. The other becomes a trap.
And overthinking only adds to it.
You start thinking about every possible outcome. Every way something could go wrong. Every version of how you might be perceived.
And before you know it, you’re no longer in the moment, you’re stuck in your head, trying to control it.
I remember moments where I’d sit there replaying conversations over and over. What I said. What I should’ve said. How it might’ve sounded.
Not even part of the moment anymore, just stuck in it long after it had already passed.
It’s not a good feeling. And not something I’d ever recommend to anyone.
While I wouldn’t say I ever felt the need to portray myself as anything other than who I was, I have been in a headspace where I felt trapped in a cycle I didn’t know how to get out of.
It was the worst.
It feels overpowering. Isolating. Controlling. Intense. And scary.
There’s this constant urge to try to make things better but it feels like the odds are already stacked against you. There’s no clear direction, no real sense of what to do next.
And if you’re like me, it can feel like there’s no one there for you either.
That was the hardest part for me.
It was such a surreal experience.
It wasn’t that I was living two different lives or lying, but it felt like it was me against the world. Whether that was true or not didn’t even matter. That’s what it felt like.
I was already trying to fight my way out of my own head. At the same time, it felt like I was fighting to be understood.
What started as something minor turned into a chain of events. I was ridiculed. Misunderstood. Made out to be someone I wasn’t.
And it felt like people just took it and ran with it, no matter how far it was from the truth.
And I cared. I’m human. I have feelings.
Things that were said, or not said, hurt. And it made me feel like I had to defend myself. To explain. To correct. To prove that what was being said about me wasn’t true.
To try to make it better.
But it didn't.
Instead, it created this constant tension.
On one side, I felt like I wasn’t allowed to just be who I was, because people had already made up their minds without ever asking me. On the other, I felt this pressure to keep going like none of it was affecting me… when it was affecting me in every way.
It might not have shown on the outside. But I felt it.
It made it hard to get out of bed. Hard to get through the day.
I had to build routines just to get basic things done. Not to become someone else, but just to keep myself going.
And even then, it was exhausting.
Not because I was trying to hide pieces of myself, but because I was trying to hold myself together in the only way I knew how.
At the same time, I felt stuck in my own mind. Not literally, but enough that I couldn’t stop spiraling. The constant worrying. The overthinking. Not just about my situation, but about everything.
I’d sit there and think… and think… and think, and not know how to stop.
One of the clearest moments I remember was around where I lived. Suddenly, it became a topic of conversation. People started asking where I was, what I was doing, in ways they never had before.
And it felt unsettling. Unnerving. Terrifying.
It made me question everything.
It made me realize that just because I tend to trust easily, not everyone deserves that kind of access.
I became more aware. More guarded. More on edge.
And at the same time, I had to learn how to find comfort on my own.
Later on, I remember opening up to someone about what I was going through. And instead of understanding or curiosity, there was distance.
Around that time, people had a lot to say about what I should do. But when I shared what I was actually struggling with, the response was always the same.
“Don’t overthink.”
“Don’t spiral.”
But no one told me how.
No one seemed to understand that it wasn’t something I wanted to be doing. I just didn’t know how to get out of it.
And even now, after all this time, I still find it hard to fully explain what that experience was like.
So expecting me to have had the “right words” back then, that was never realistic.
That experience changed me.
Not all of it in ways I like. But it’s real.
I’m more independent now, but also more isolated at times. More outspoken because I had to learn how to be heard. Less willing to stay silent, because I know what it feels like to be dismissed.
I don’t let things go the same way anymore. Not because I need to be right, but because I need to be understood.
And maybe that’s what this comes down to.
It was never really about having the right words. It was about being heard. It was about being understood. It was about not feeling like I had to fight just to exist as I am.
Overthinking wasn’t just overthinking. It was everything underneath it.
And if you’ve ever felt that, if you’ve ever felt stuck in your own head, trying to say things the “right” way while also trying to hold yourself together, there’s probably more to your story too.
It’s not just about the words.
It never was.
So, take a moment the next time you find yourself overthinking what to say. Not to fix it, just to notice it.
And if something comes up for you in that moment, don’t wait until it sounds perfect.
Just say it.
Wishing you nothing but love and light. See you back, next Monday.
As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!
***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***
