All the Feels

Editor’s note: This post will continue to evolve as I do.

Welcome back, empaths and curious minds, to the second post in the Head & Heartwork series. This series is about the tension and truth between what we know and what we feel. It’s a space for practicing honesty over performance, softness without losing strength, and growth that’s rooted in real, not just the aspirational.

If you missed the first post, start here: “Real Over Right.”

Here’s the quiet truth: growth doesn’t come from feeling better, but from feeling more. If you’re ready to step into the full spectrum, let’s begin.

The first topic of discussion is the math of constant positivity. How “good vibes only” became the emotional dress code, what forced positivity disconnects us from authenticity, and the cultural and internal pressure to mask “uncomfortable” feelings.

Ever since “good vibes only” became a mantra, it tells us what we need to feel. That we need to be in a good mood otherwise we risk “ruining the mood.” But the forced positivity front disconnects us from authenticity, as it doesn’t allow us the space we need to express our true feelings. Thus, leaving us even more taken back, unsure, and confused of where we stand with our own emotions.

Then, when we take in the consideration of cultural and internal pressure, it’s as though we have to put on a mask since negative emotions are “uncomfortable” “too much” or “taboo”or we risk being seen as “weak” “sensitive” “messy”.

Yet, feeling deeply isn’t any of those things. Actually, it’s the opposite of weakness, it’s strength. By allowing ourselves the space and time to express our true range of emotions, we are not only building on that resilience but also our emotional intelligence.

And the easiest way to begin is by learning to sit with our emotions. To think about, to reflect, or to understand the pain or the emotions we refused to acknowledge. Because if we don’t, and we ignore our emotions, need something to distract us, or numb the pain, it’s only a temporary fix to a long term problem. So, why not fill our time by figuring out our emotional capacity, experience our true range of emotions, and allow ourselves to feel freely without judgment? After all, experiencing a broad range of emotions is part of the human experience. Without it, are we truly living?

Take a moment to ponder this question.

At the same time, there’s a difference between when to feel and when to fix. Not all emotions are problems we need to solve. Sometimes, we know exactly how we feel and we allow ourselves the opportunity to release those feelings. Then, there’s the other times, usually with more “uncomfortable” emotions, when hide them from the world, the people around us, and even ourselves. Except in order to heal or move on from them, we need to name them. We need to have these feelings witnessed without judgement. By allowing ourselves to expressively feel as we move through even the toughest of emotions, without them being managed or shutting down, can make such a powerful difference.

I’ve been there and perhaps you’ve been in my shoes too, when opening up is “too much” for someone. Not only is is it of the worst feelings in the world, but it’s defeating. It makes the situation even more painful than it already was. It also chips away at the trust shared if the other person isn’t “able” or “willing” to allow us to truly be ourselves and express the real emotions we’re feeling.

If you’re asking yourself, what happens when we cut off our negative emotions, due to not being ready to tackle them, being told they are unacceptable, or we’re in an environment where we don’t feel safe enough to share? It can cause a lot of undue stress, inner confliction, and built up emotions. Oftentimes, what causes us to lash out or explode. And down the line, this emotional suppression can lead to burnout, disconnection, and even physical symptoms.,

There was a time in my life when I was handling a lot. I was going from one place to another, I didn’t have time to stop and decompress or have time to really feel the emotions I was experiencing. And it got to the point where I felt disconnected and exhausted all the time as though I was running on E (empty canister of gas for a car) due to all the commitments I had amongst other responsibilities. While I was able to push through and keep going, I inevitability avoided the pain with all the chaos going on around me and not having a moment to catch my breath. So, as you can imagine, there wasn’t much joy left. I was drained, felt meh, and experienced this sense of powerlessness.

And to make matters worse, I was often in environments that weren’t accepting of straying from the “good vibes only” mindset. That whole experience made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to be authentic, that it was better to continue with no emotions what-so-ever, similar to that of a robot, than to outwardly express what was going on. In other words, it limited me. It stunted my growth. And caused me a great deal of undue pain and stress. I had to put a “mask” on and become someone I wasn’t and didn’t want to be.

Eventually what got me through was learning to release those emotions again, remembering that our feelings are temporary, they aren’t here to stay, and that judging our reactions won’t get me anywhere. I need to just left myself feel what I wasn’t able to feel. Little by little, step by step, that is what I did.

The best feeling in the world is when I am able to release those emotions whether I’m on my own or in the presence of someone who also believes in releasing emotions. Instead of having to add an additional layer or stress, I can just release the emotions freely without judgment. Instantaneously, I feel much happier, lighter, and free (less tied down). Allowing me to be the best version of myself and be authentic to who I really am.

If there is anything I want you to take away from this post, it’s that emotions are ever-flowing, ever-changing, and ever-growing. You, me, all of us, shouldn’t ever be expected to stay in any one emotional state. We should all be encouraged to move through our feelings and emotions. Because emotional maturity isn’t perfection, it’s presence. Start today and make peace with being a work in emotional progress.

As a signature of my blog, I’d like to end this post with a suggestion to “Pass on kindness.” There’s no time like the present to Inspire Those Who Inspire You. Acts of kindness, no matter how big or small, can have a direct, positive impact on someone else. Go out there today and change someone’s life for the better!

***These are my personal opinions and may not be those of my employer.***